lately...i have found i am not impressed by anything. now don't get me wrong...i wasnt' always this way...there once was a time when life in its simplest sent me into convulsions of giggles with excitement. these days...you could show me the slippers that jesus wore and i would give a shrug. what's happened to me. once an optimist with hopes and dreams for life and the future. now...i'm a realist. a realist that is unimpressed.
i wish i had an explanation for my negativity. i live a world where i preach positivity and niceness and yet...and yet i can't seem to live it, lately.
i was once told to live the motto, "it is, what it is"...and for a long time that actually worked for me. i got pregnant and it hijacked my entire life. but i got through it telling myself, it is, what it is. i knew there was nothing i could change about it or fix so i needed to grow and move forward. but now...now my house is trashed and i can't keep up on the duties of a "homemaker" and the duties of my job...and telling myself, it is, what it is...just isn't working anymore.
i drove past a university campus the other day and saw all the students walking to and from class. there were a variety of expressions on their faces and paces in which they walked. and i couldn't help but think back to life in college. I was emotionally and mentally in the worst place a person could be in and i failed to realize the joys that a simple life like college could offer.
now i am in life that has no simplicity. even laundry takes planning and a schedule and rules. it's near impossible to find those quiet moments to reflect. so here i sit, while the baby slumbers for all of ten minutes and the many things that need to get done, are undone.
what is it that brings true joy to life? how does one find that joy again when it seems to avoid being found? how does one become impressed by the little things again?
3 comments:
You are what brings joy to your life. What is awesome and what will awe you are always the weirdest things. You just have to remember to keep an open mind, and an open eye to things around you. And I know you weren't talking about me, because I know your giddy inside you finally get to see me. Maybe that's you're problem, you haven't seen the Dutchboy in a couple of years.
i hope that you can find it within yourself to remember how blessed you are and what greatness is out there. i think deep down you know it is a personal choice and a personal journey. i also think that a lot of people are on similar journeys. i wish you the best...of happiness and life.
I think, you know all the answers to the questions at the end of this post.
Set time to aside to ponder on it.
Pondering - think of it like a hobby.
:)
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