a little bit of Jesus in my life

That same friend of mine...you know the one I mentioned here...she sort of continued to hold strong to her faith and her belief of how much I needed some God in my life.

She'd send me songs...give thoughts and bible versus that would help me through my day...and she would push me to think of the great picture of life and death.

I finally asked her where she got these songs...she says the radio...and I replied "what in the HELL kind of station are you listening to?!?!"

I can't help but think she's been placed in my life for all the right reasons. Not only does she also have a "special" kid so we can connect on a level that so many parents don't have to (thankfully), but she also seems to speak the words my heart needs to hear so often.

She doesnt' hold back. There is no censor, now that might be cause she's a New Yorker, or because she knows I don't really take subtleties very well.

Have you seen "Bruce Almighty"?? The scene where he is asking God to show him a sign and the truck pulls him front of him with all the Stop signs? Yeah...Just like "bruce"...I wouldn't have caught on, I am sure.

So here I have this friend and she shares this story. About spending time each day with God. And how you can spend all day going about your tasks, driving in your car, being at work or cleaning the house, but how much of that time are listening to or thinking of negative or trashy things?


So I plugged into one of those "what the hell" kind of cheesy radio stations and MAN OH MAN has it made a difference in my thoughts. I'm focused on what matters most in my life...my marriage...my family...my journey to find God.

My heart is in a better place. My mind is in a better place. Everything seems to be fitting together better.

So this...for now...while I continue to make my baby steps to grow my relationship with Christ is my way way of spending some time with God each day.

What do you do to spend some time with God?

learning to be a mom

I'm an edgy Mom. I'll admit it. In fact, I've been called Panicky and Hyperactive. :D While I'm not totally fine with that...I have sort of come to terms with it.

So when things like this morning happen, where my 3 year old tipped a chair over and landed hard on her head, leaving a very large goose egg and some vomiting, I didn't hesitate to make a call and wake up a doctor to find out what to do. Cause sometimes being Panicky gets the job done.

I became a StepMom before I had my own child. That role has its very definitive ups and downs. And I can say it helped prepare me for having my own children. But there is sooooo much it didn't prepare me for. I find, as my stepkids grow older and older, I'm SERIOUSLY lacking in my parenting skills. I have so much to learn.

When my daughter came, I honestly had the disillusion that I had this parenting down. "I've done this before" was often in my thoughts. And then, I found she not only was a new little person with her own personality but she would need a little special care.

Now I'm realizing more and more...each of my kids are different. They carry personalities and traits and character that prevents me from ever using the same tactic on all of them. They each need individual attention and individual approaches. They each have "special needs".

I'm loving this path that I am on. It's never easy but always worth it. And I love watching the kids grow into the Man and Women they will become.

I only hope I can help that growth the way God intended.

What do YOU do to learn more about parenting and help meet each of your kids needs?

Living "Greener" and Frugal

OK...so I'm not feeling super creative today and putting words down when you're not feeling creative will come across forced.

So instead...I'm stealing a post from one of my all time favorite bloggers...you really should check it out...

20 Things you can do Today to Live a Greener, more Frugal Life

What do you do to live a greener, more frugal life?

trying to make the connection

Kindred is home living with us again. As a 13 year old in the 8th grade.

We have had our struggles. He wants the freedom and power that comes with older age but zero responsibility. Does this sound familiar? Thought so cause I'm sure I've just described 99.9999% of all 13 year olds in the world.

And now he's in a new school. Where they have a school uniform. And every kid at the school is a "nerd".

So the struggles continue.

We're all adjusting. Figuring it out as we go. Trying to make the connection.

I had to finally tell him the other day..."I think the reason we are butting heads so much lately is cause your at a tough age. And your learning how to be 13. And I'm learning how to parent a 13 year old. And it's obviously tougher for both of us than we realized."

From that moment on...things have been a bit calmer. The grades and forgetting assignments or just to turn them in and the talking in class continues...but at least we now are on the same plane as we forge ahead in this new world of Teenagehood.

What has worked for you in connecting with your kids?

learning to let go...

Words can not nearly attempt to describe the hardships of the last few months. You'd think after facing near death experiences with Lola...I would be one strong enough to handle anything...and yet...that is the furthest from the truth possible.

I am weak.

At times when I should be strong...should be holding things together...I was falling apart under the surface.

And at my hardest moments...when I was sure there was literally no reason to go on...He stepped in.

I’d like to say I can put them blame on a friend of mine…that she intentionally didn’t listen to me when I told her I’d rather live a sorta pseudo-spiritual life…dabbling in Christianity, dipping my foot in Buddhism, toying with the idea of Universalism and letting God lead me where he would lead me. That she totally rudely ignored me and STILL sent Christ after me. Seriously. RUDE.

And yet I couldn’t deny that everywhere I turned…HE was there!

And I think for a time, till I really figure this all out. I’m still gonna blame her. ;)

For years I’ve personally struggled with who God is in my life. I always knew something was there…but didn’t really have a RELATIONSHIP with Him. It was more like the old friend I would talk to on the phone maybe once a year…or get one of those annoying “Forward” emails and I’d wonder, was that really meant for me?

And yet…deep down I yearned for something stronger. Something bigger. I kept being called out. So I’d look in every direction. Hence the dabbling, dipping and toying.

I made the decision a long time ago to walk away from my childhood religion and don't really regret that. It was a hard decision...and one I have at times contemplated reversing...but only because it's what I am familiar with...it's really the only thing I know.

I've always been a dominant and strong-willed type of gal. And because of that, I made my life more difficult because of this more times than I can count. I tend live on the edge...and I always thought I had control...that it showed my strength.

And yet, here I am...a broken woman...and I've found myself literally on my knees begging for hope, redemption, comfort, healing and motivation to keeping pushing forward.

I'm still learning to let go and let God have the steering wheel. Building that Relationship I have longed for. Not going to be an easy task...but luckily I've got some people who believe in ME and aren't giving up hope on me.

In fact...instead of giving up on me...they sic Christ on me and send me cheesy Christian Rock Videos like this.

I dare you not to cry.

What do YOU do to build your relationship with Christ?