the road we travel

A few crazy weeks...kids here...family here...Boston...seeing old friends...Camp Sunshine in Maine...making new friends...

I'm exhausted. The kind of exhausted that you feel after you just completed a marathon of such good times you couldn't stop to breathe.

After months of comtemplation...I went to my doctor and asked to be put on meds. It's been over 10 years since I've done that.

Life is simply too much for me to handle right now.

Mr. Hippy Doctor (not his real name) was a bit confused why it took me so long and why I was only now coming to him.

Well...we all hit our breaking point and I've hit mine.

So...I get to enjoy the benefits of 1 tiny yellow pill and hope that it doesn't wreak the havoc similar pills did a few years back.

Why am I sharing this...because when it comes down to it...we never know other people's true hardships or how they cope.

having it all together

There was a time in my life...not so very long ago...that I had certain things down to a science. Most were menial and unimportant to outsiders...but to me...they meant I had things together.

I found out last night just how "not together" I have things. It's been a year or more since I've had to pack that bag, the bag that could possibly keep Lola and I clothed and clean and not scary looking for a few days.

But I had to pack that bag last night. Had to make some phone calls to doctors who have given me their pager number, cell number and home number. Had to make the call whether to make the drive or to try to fight it out.

Luckily that decision was made for us. But to pack for it...well...I didn't have it all together. The science of what should go in that bag has left me.

I did, however, pull it together enough to hold in my emotions. When Lola gets sick...I tend to cry...then I get down to business. Not Last night. Business. All Business. I couldn't risk any loose ends.

As we walked out of the ER late in the night, holding my baby in my arms...knowing we were headed home and not to the room that was being prepared up on the 4th floor...I couldn't help but let down some of that business mode. She held onto my neck tight and I held onto her just as tightly.

And today, I'll let down some more, as I feel a bit envious of parents who are able to give their kids tylenol, when a fever hits, and wait things out.