is this really my life?

so i have finally come to terms with things.

one. i didn't really enjoy lola at first. she was such a tough baby to handle and i now i am wishing i could have enjoyed her more when she was just teeny weeny.

two. i can't live without lola now. each time she smiles at me when i pick her up from daycare or when just the sound of my voice seems to calm her...i realize that my life is in her hands.

three. i am a changed woman. i thought i was "grown up" and that i was moving through life and making things happen. now...i am lucky if i get dinner on the table before 7, all the laundry done in one day and one checkmark on my To Do list. but when that little lady needs me...nothing will ever get in my way.

four. nothing could have prepared me for what has happened to me in the last year and half. many of which if i could trade for another experience i would. i never would have thought i would be raising kids without my dad. i never thought i would be back in utah and want to go visit my mom and stepdad every day. and i never thought i would give up a nite on the town for sitting around playing Disney Scene-it. but thats how life goes.

and i love it. probably as much as I curse it.

THE look

I often wonder, when driving down the streets of Salt Lake City, who taught these people how to drive? Honestly! A yellow light means speed up, a merging lane means slow down in or stop in front of any car you can, a stop sign means "i totally paused".

How often I find myself giving people THE look...you know it...the look of..."you know better than to do that!!!" Is this their form of rebellion? "I can't drink or smoke so I am gonna drive like shit! I am gonna be a rebel today! You just watch!!!"

I guess if my biggest complaint about Utah is the drivers who surround me...I guess life here isn't all bad.