my new day

Yesterday I got a blessing from a most unexpected place. I stopped by work for a few minutes to let everyone see how was Lola is doing and to talk with my boss about making arrangements on a schedule so I can be with Lola as much as possible.

My fear all along has been leaving Lola and not being able to take care of her the way I feel should be done. My other fear is I have NEVER wanted to be a stay at home mom...it just has never fit my personality. So I have been torn between work and family.

I had stopped at the grocery store with Lola and while checking out, the cashier inquired as to what happened to her little arm. I realized she meant the covering over her Pic Line and I sat there for a few seconds trying to think of what to say. Finally I said...she was in the hospital and she has an IV line that has to stay in for future visits. The girls jaw dropped...is...is she gonna be ok?

I walked out with tears in my eyes as it FINALLY slammed me full force that this isn't going away. This isn't the flu or a cold or even strep where she can take medicine and be over it. This is going to be something that for the rest of her life impacts her.

And I was no longer torn. I knew that my companty telling me to stay home with Lola until we know what is going on, to go into work at night for a few hours when Jason can be with her, to comfort her and help her grow strong...are exactly what I need. I need to be putting Lola first. And I need to be here with her.

I only worry I am gonna start to enjoy this a little bit too much.