pray for those you don't even know

As usual...today was full of the kind roller coaster that takes you from the highest high to the lowest low.

I decided to visit my local library and look for some books I have been wanting to read/purchase. Money has gotten quite tight as bills have come in and time off has been taken and I thought...what?!! the library..DUH!!! So in all of 45 minutes I had acquired my new Salt Lake County library card, allowing a vulture like myself access to, umm, 15 libraries!! I also then checked out 4 books...1 of which is for my new Facebook book club (hey...i dont have time for a meeting at someones house where I will feel ackwardly obliged to hang out much longer than I wanted) and 3 are for my newest obsession...an author I'm not quite yet ready to divulge.

I walked out with an odd kick to my step. A smile on my face. A momentum to go home and finish said books so I could return, and then, spend time sauntering the aisles and finding new reads. I was, at the very least, giddy.

Tonite, I dished dinner from the crockpot, made small talk of the day and weekend plans, had a few family members call to see where things were and how we were, played with the kids, crawled on the floor with Kindred to show Lola how people crawl, watched Lla destroy an entire shelf of DVDs, did the homework gig with kindred, wrangled with Lola while Kindred read her part of Horton Sits on an Egg, and then....after all were tucked snuggling into bed...then I logged on to CarePages.

CarePages has been my therapy with Lola. A way for me to non-commitly connect with family and friends. To allow myself to introvert and still extend my thoughts. To share stories and deeds about our angel who scared us to death and back...and now seems to have NOTHING WRONG WITH HER...oh yeah...except every doctor in town calls daily to see how she is doing. And every doctor across the country can't explain what is going on.

I have met families on CarePages...i have done searches on the simple word "anemia". I used to think of anemia as ...umm..go eat a steak. .....Now......Now it means so much more and I know more medical terms than any mother should. Now I

Matthew and his family are hurting tonite. 4 weeks ago they went through a very similiar situation as we went through with Lola and Matthews mom found me. She reached out to me asking me how I did it. Even now...I blink my eyes in unbelief and wonder what she means...I didn't "do" it...i honestly feel like I was just there.

Tonite I go to bed with red sore eyes for Matthew and his family. Their pain and the pain the are about to experience. "It's not easy" or "It'll be ok" mean nothing to his parents or to us. What makes more sense is "what? i don't get it" and "no matter what...we are HERE FOR YOU"

my heart is with them...and with the many other families i have met and who's daily progress I follow.

I only wish I could bear some of your burden.